Society has ingrained in our minds from a very early age that if we aren’t keeping up with the Jones’, then we have to do all we can to catch up and then surpass them. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with admiring what someone else has and also aspiring to have your own version of that one day; it can serve as a great source of motivation to become the best version of yourself in order to receive those things, but it dabbles into dangerous territory if the only way that you measure success in life is through comparing yourself to other people. A lot of times we get caught up in comparing ourselves to others based on where they are in there life and what they have, and seeing where you line up to match or level them up a notch. At times I know it’s seemingly hard fighting against basic human nature, but as they say comparison is the thief of all joy and by doing so, we can potentially miss out on the beauty of fully embracing our own unique journey to a joyful, fulfilling and successful life that’s like no one else's!
As I mentioned in my last post, I said I couldn’t relate to the societal norm regarding love, dating and relationships for someone in my age group (mid-twenties), because I have been single my entire life (if you didn’t get the chance read that post yet, feel free to go back and check it out!). For so many years, especially upon entering early adulthood, the more time that went by without a relationship status change or any experience in the love department, I would start to let the messages that society progressively has fed us over time, which was leading me in the direction of thinking that something must be wrong with me. I would try to nitpick at myself to figure out what is that doesn’t make me seem appealing to date … last time checked I thought I was nice and when I looked in the mirror, I thought I was cute (lol), I was stumped! I would continue on about my daily life, just waiting for things to happen, as I would see it happen for others, and you guessed it,...still nothing! At some point, I knew that I needed to have a change in mindset, in order to not fall victim to plummeting self-esteem by seeking validation through people and how others have progressed in life progress!
So what did I do to get to the state of mind that I have now, of being content with owning and embracing my lack of a relationship history and thinking positively through the continued duration of my single season?; I turned back to my foundation and made stronger efforts to grow closer in my relationship with God! The process started maybe 2 to 3 years ago, just by making the decision to reprioritize my life and fill the wasted spaces (i.e., hours spent watching TV, on social media, and even those extra few minutes of sleep in the morning) with devotional time to just seek inspiration and encouragement, in whichever way I could to retrain and rebuild my mind and spirit from everything that I started to let in from the views of society. The more sources of inspiration I found, whether it be through devotional studies, inspirational social media pages, and the content I watched on TV or YouTube, I’ve learned to embrace that I’m not like everyone else and I truly soaked in the words of affirmation and encouragement, and still do. All of those years thinking that something was wrong or something about me was unappealing couldn’t be further from the truth, God has just been keeping me hidden from all of the mess, stress, struggles and heartbreak that could have occurred in my life, had He not been covering me from it!
It’s ultimately up to you as to whether or not you want to embrace the beauty and uniqueness in the path that God has planned out for your life, or continue to compare your path to others. I’m not going to lie and act like every day that has passed since changing my mindset has been a cake walk. I would have and still do have moments of doubt or discouragement regarding my current situation, but I have made the conscious decision not to let it consume my thoughts or validate me anymore! Sure, it’s great to feel validated through your successes or through the love received from others in life, but realizing that the only validation I need in life is through God is how I get through. Any low moment of doubt from the world’s point of view, is nothing in comparison to what God has to say about say about me and my situation, and for you as well for whatever it is that you may be going through.
Learning to uplift, encourage, affirm and validate yourself on the custom designed path that God has set out is a daily journey; it’s not easy at times but embrace the fact that you are not like everyone else! Even try looking at things through this example: the fashion industry tends to place a higher value on custom-designed items, as opposed to items that have many replicas; the value a fashion designer places on something that can’t be replicated is not afforded to buyers not willing to pay the price for it. There are several great fashion designers known across the world known for their custom pieces of work, but none of them can beat God’s record of being the greatest designer the world has ever seen! Each and every one of us is a custom-designed piece of art that He places a such a high value on. So even at times when it seems like it’s more appealing to play the comparison game by trying to join the masses and copy someone else’s path, I am going to continue on with God’s reminder that I am unique and not like anything or anyone else in the world and God called me to stand out; yes, I’m not like everyone else, and I am more than ok with that! My prayer is that everyone can embrace their uniqueness as well! The grass isn’t always greener on the other side; just make sure to water your own grass and tend to it with care. If something hasn’t happened for you already, trust that your time will come to flourish and receive all that God has in store for you (not what he or she has over there, but FOR YOU!!!), just continue to have faith and believe it!
Much Love,
Ebony 💜
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